Live in dreams Sunday Girl

As one can imagine, Sunday saw a continuation of the weekend theme, which was if you haven’t already guessed getting absolutely trollied and consuming vats of wine.

After a rather slow start to the day consisting of mostly trying to trace the previous night’s movements and the missing honorary Darling, the Battersea Darlings met North London Lush at The Victoria so that she could retrieve her belongings and the darlings could concentrate on what they do best: drinking.

After a few cheeky bottles on an unlined stomach Darling#1 made a wise decision to invest in one of The Victoria's roasts before venturing to Lavender Hill to continue the binge and try out Battersea Music and Mess hall.  With 50% off food and a chance to try out the new kitchen, it seemed an opportunity not to be missed. Having worked up quite the appetite Darling#2 was looking forward to some food and trying out this new venue much to the Darlings dismay the kitchen was closed.  Disappointing to say the least.  However the interior and ambiance was quirky yet elegant and much preferable to the previous Walkabout. Add the fact that they didn't have wine glasses so we were requested to drink out of champagne flutes, well when in Rome.......

Now a blog by us would not be complete without a small love life update. Darling#1’s Enduring Love had yet to return the mandatory drunken calls and texts. A swift voicemail was left followed by deletion of number. This was only remembered Monday morning when Enduring Love texted to say he had left his phone at a friend’s for the weekend. Embarrassing, much?

Darling#2 meanwhile had taken swift vengeance on Mr Never Called After First Date. Multiple abusive texts later and he is still to respond. Still, no deletion as a friend of Facebook so it can’t all be bad!

What with the combination of no food and three bottles of wine Darling#2 was struggling to keep her eyes open and having given the liver a good old battering, the Darlings  ventured to Mien Tay for some delicious food (its one of our Battersea favourites) and of course some more liquid gold, that goes without saying, non?  The other diners were in for a treat, what with Darling#1 interrupting two diners intimate meal with her take on their conversation and Darling#2 spilling her prawn crackers all over them and the floor.....

 No alcohol to be imbibed on Monday. FACT.

Ah, Friday night and the chance to stay in, relax with some food and a film. For most people anyway.

For the Battersea Darlings, a quiet night in resulted in 2 bottles of Sauvignon Blanc swiftly polished off, with a chicken salad (we have figures to watch after all… watch increase judging by the calorie content of wine).

Cue another two bottles of red being put to rest (if nothing else, we do significantly contribute to the recycling of glass).

Most people would have called it a night there and then. Not us. Darling#1 and Darling#2 donned flasher macs and stalked off to the closest offie. Cue Darling#2 yelling out to the charming chap in the shop ‘Whass yer best deal??’ which, apart from being hugely unnecessary as the shop makes our cupboard under the stairs look roomy, was mightily embarrassing for refined Darling#1.

Luckily, once back we discovered a classic Trevor Nelson compilation album that featured not one but two Craig David gems. What more could two girls need to dance along to whilst consuming that all important fifth bottle.

It all gets a bit hazy from there on in…

Suffice to say that when the Battersea Darlings turned on the sound system next morning, they were greeted with ‘Backstreets Back’. Alright?

Battersea Darlings – a damp squib of an evening

So last night... Darling#2 spent the majority of last night de-moulding her clothes and shoes after discovering that her bedroom had a unwelcome visitor (and not the normal unwelcome male visitor) but one in the form of damp.  This was not exactly what she had planned for her evening activities but needs must…One can only wear the same top for so many nights in a row, especially when the paps are out and about to name and shame (facebook paps but we’re aspirational people).

It also resulted in a less than satisfactory best start to the day involving an early morning run in with the landlord who claims that the reason for the damp is down to the fact that the Battersea Darlings have too many clothes and shoes……….and there we were thinking a girl couldn't have too many shoes!?!

Darling#1 meanwhile spent her evening pining after Enduring Love, who is seeming more and more like Not That Bothered Love. Sort of clashes with the Helpless Romantic that is Darling#1. #1 will continue to persist until restraining order is issued – surely the way to a man’s heart?

The Ex would also appear to be pining slightly less than one had hoped. Bring on the alternative back up options. Or alternatively, roll on Friday at Bunga Bunga and fresh meat. Watch out, cougar on the prowl.

Roll on 5pm, airfreshener and the much needed glass (read bottle) of wine!

The ups and browns of life

Another 24 hours with the Battersea Darlings.

As you may remember, Darling#1 had been musing over her potential date with Enduring Love. Hope still held despite drinking and dialling. Sadly the only thing enduring about last night was the said date enduring at the office (or so we hope). Back to the drawing board, or at least to the back ups. Cue night in trying to make flat less squalid. Result, it now looks like the inside of a Park Lane flat with squatters, not a Brixton crack den. No disrespect Brixton, word.

In the meantime, Darling#2 visited the hairdresser for a few wines and a new look. Lauren Conrad/Jennifer Aniston here she comes http://www.celebritypicnic.com/lauren-conrad/images# . Sadly a few more wines may have been imbibed by the hairdresser than by Darling#2 as the result is more Jennifer Hudson than Jennifer Aniston. 'Sophisticated' and 'Edwardian' were the verdicts in the office, answers on a postcard for what they were really trying to say. Upshot of the situation is that plenty of fake tan has been purchased to counteract the Goth effect. Needless to say, we shall be updating on who has the more fun, Blondes or Edwardian Brunettes. Place your bets...

Roll on Thursday and the Battersea Darlings attending a charity pub quiz in aid of the nominated charity and local favourite, soon to reopen Party Superstore in Clapham Junction. £5 at the Victoria, Clapham Junction. A most charming quizmaster and no cheats allowed. Be there, and beat us. Re-visit the Battersea Darlings for an update, or pop along....

The preparation begins….

Hello Monday afternoon, and with it a Monday night full of promise for the Battersea Darlings.

For Darling#2, a much anticipated visit to her hair guru with a much needed top up of vino. Much needed after a morning of alcohol comedown despite a sausage bap, neither of which are an ideal start to the week. Still, having glimpsed a woman asleep at the bus stop, we’re just thankful to have made it into work vaguely coherent.

Roll on 6pm and the horrendously long task of converting brittle blonde to glorious glossy caramel and honey tones. It is however an experience not to be missed, especially given the hairdresser in question’s dad walks around in the nuddy and he is not exactly Brad Pitt  Photo update en route tomorrow. The hair, not the dad.

Meanwhile, Darling#1 is contemplating the proposed date with Enduring Love. Having perhaps accidentally called once or twice more than intended over an inebriated weekend, Enduring Love has yet to be in touch to organise details. What a shocker. Darling#1 now faces an afternoon dilemma of whether to follow up or wait for the gentleman to be in touch. It could be a long wait. Watch this space Dear Reader, and pray for the best.

The upside is that a much needed night in will allow for some much needed cleaning given the Battersea Darlings flat currently resembles, and smells like, a crack den. This despite the Italian cleaner doing his best for the majority of Sunday morning. Shows what havoc Sunday drinking can inflict.

In the meantime, plans for Darling#2’s birthday celebrations are progressing well with a night at Battersea’s newest hotspot Bunga Bunga planned. Trial run scheduled in for this Friday… fingers crossed for Berlusconi we say.

Updates to follow on twitter @batterseadarlin

What does week 3 bring

So Darling#2 has just asked me to post that she is planning a big blow out. One hopes this is unrelated to the afore mentioned date.

Regardless, she is making the transition from Essex blonde to Californian style Jennifer Aniston. Apparently a hair colour can take you from reality show fame to Hollywood harlot. Watch this space for a photo update.

Meanwhile Darling#1 has a potential date tomorrow night with Enduring Love. A little perturbed by his refusal to respond to my weekend texts and calls but then perhaps one should be grateful  for not being slapped with a restraining order. Never was very good with the whole 'Playing it Cool' approach.

Battersea darlings are contemplating a no drinking in the week rule. Concerned that we will have little to say to each other, let alone to you Dear Reader.

Roll on tomorrow's updates, sponsored by Jacob's Creek.

Boobies on the beat

Standard weekend for the Battersea Darlings.

It started off with a Times crossword in the sunshine.  2pm heralded the Call of Kumala. We never said we were rich

Skip to 3pm and the Battersea Darlings are 2 bottles better off. Joined by a Lavender Hill Lovie. X factor to follow, sorry to say that no one recollects Kelly and Tulisa's musings on the state of the music industry. Roll on 10pm and we are dancing on chairs with people we have never met and can barely see. 12 Jagermeisters each later and the world is a better place. Darling#1 leaves to meet Enduring Love (more to follow in later posts but safe to say Enduring Love does not equal Enduring Relationship). 

Jump to Sunday Morning. Darling #1 walks in to front room (Enduring Love constitutes one night at least). Cue introduction to random man #1  (RM#1) (random man #2 leaves after a swift indescretion involving  rear entry). Darling#2 in state of shock. Given manners are free, the Battersea Darlings and Lavender Hill Lovie, plus RM#1 head off to super chic Le Pot Lyonnais on Queenstown Road. Bloody Mary's and an invite to the church @Clapham Grand. Who can resist.  When in Rome....

Fast forward, 5pm, rain drenched, saturated (that's alcohol not the rain) and Darling#1 is on the hunt for more booze at a local bar. Darling#2 is on the hunt for locals to buy her alcohol after the local Sainsbury's has tried to up the tone by refusing to serve her.

The punch line?

Rm#1 is an £85 an hour male escort and Detective Constable who buys drugs undercover. What else. Lucky we have insider information on Mafia run Gelaterias (more on that in later posts). 

AA helpline googled.